Stories from The Green Room -- Katherine's Tale
- Mosaic DTC
- Jul 10
- 4 min read
How MDTC's production of CASSANDRA: AN ONGOING TRAGEDY by Ruth Cantrell has resonated with those involved.
ACTIVE SHOOTER! by Katherine Shamdin
Dear Mosaic patrons, as we prepare the premiere of our new work CASSANDRA: AN ONGOING TRAGEDY, I wanted to share my personal relationship with the work. I play many characters throughout the performance that have difficult hardships. As a performer it causes you to confront your personal life story and how it contrasts with the characters. During one scene, I play a child from Sandy Hook Elementary School. It was an unthinkable tragedy that affected the nation. My high school experience also included a school shooting.
During my junior year, I was eating lunch with my friends in the school parking lot. We were playing music and chatting about our days. My friend had the aux cord plugged into her phone when we heard a muffled background screaming that occurred several times. I asked if she was playing a video, to which she responded no, and we shrugged it off. At the same time, in the school lunch room, another student shot off a gun. Aiming at another student, they missed and hit a different student in the room. One of our teachers, acting heroically, tackled the student and stopped the shooting. Chaos ensued as students fled the school as others locked the doors and stayed in the classrooms. I can only speak on my experience which is different from my peers, friends, and family who were also a part of this event. My younger brother and his friends ran out of the lunch room to my car where they explained what they had just witnessed. At first, I didn’t understand, but quickly told them all to get inside my car. I drove away as I saw countless police cars drive the other direction. We were told to gather at a local elementary school where students were counted for. I will never forget the feeling of trying to get a hold of other friends to make sure they were okay. Thankfully everyone survived from our school shooting, but the impact it had was still substantial.
This event changed my friends, family’s, and peers’ relationship to our school and our education. When a safe space like school has a disturbance, it can never go back to feeling like the way it did before. I saw and felt the impact this event caused for students' ability to learn and relate to other students. Small changes that someone wouldn’t think of unless they have lived this experience were made. For example, our school banned all balloons. The loud popping sound they make is triggering for many people, and especially at the school. The small changes can be saddening because what used to be a fun decoration, can now cause harm to someone’s mental state in a matter of seconds. Personally, I found myself being aware of exits, who is entering and exiting a room, and that large crowds can seem overwhelming to me. I also saw the way teachers showed up for their students while struggling with how they felt in their workplace. I can’t imagine feeling responsible for the safety and caretaking of your students while being unsure there is anything you can do to protect them from what enters the classroom. As I was old enough to understand the nuance of this situation, I saw my teachers being anxious at school. I saw them be hesitant to talk about their experience and how it affected them as well. Being an example of being brave is really difficult in a situation like this and I applaud the teachers in my life who let us know it was okay to need to take time to understand what had happened.
Growing up as an artist in America, many of us are no longer just using events as influence but rather are relating. I think one of the hardest parts about carrying this experience with you is that you cannot control how it reappears in your life. For me, in CASSANDRA, I was not aware of the music and the replication of gun shots. The first time I heard it, it made my stomach drop. I wasn’t scared that it was a real gun shot, it more so felt like my body was caught off guard to be reminded. I felt anxious about being viewed on stage while performing during these scenes. “What if it feels more real in the theater? What if I play the character poorly? How can I embody the feeling without jeopardizing my mental health?" As I have continued the rehearsal process, I become more comfortable with playing the characters. I also feel the call to action that CASSANDRA begs for and that this is how I can show up. Bringing awareness and doing my best as a performer to honor those whose story did not end like mine is important. I feel grateful to have come away from this experience and be able to live my dream dancing professionally. I also work in the public school system and interact with children who are the same age as those affected by the Sandy Hook tragedy. It is devastating to imagine them going through such a life altering moment at such a young age. Every interaction and moment as a person will ultimately affect how you show up on stage as an artist. Bringing real influence into CASSANDRA allows me to take care of the characters and bring authenticity to the stage.
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